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14 September 2021

Grafton’s Possums Protest Jacaranda Illumination Spectacle.

In breaking news just to hand, a group of marsupials calling themselves the Brushtail Possum Posse have marched on Clarence Valley Council’s Grafton offices, protesting the highly anticipated night-time illumination of approximately 25 Jacarandas in Grafton’s iconic See Park in a few weeks’ time.

“Yes, yes, we know there has been extensive community consultation about this project over the past few years,” self-appointed resistance leader and spokespossum Barry Brushtail told us between ineffectively flicking pellets of his own feces at the council foyer, “but no-one consulted US.”

“No one EVER consults the possums.”

When your reporter put it to Mr Brushtail that this was only a short-term interruption to their nocturnal lives – that the Trees would be bathed in light for a mere two and a half weeks (21st October through ‘til 8th November), and that although possums are known to feed on the Jacaranda’s purple blooms, their nutritional value is marginal compared with other superior menu items to be found in neighbouring trees, and thus this militant, poo-hurling action may be an over-reaction, Mr Brushtail, paused for thought, rolled his eyes, exhaled deeply, and spoke frankly.

“Look, pal, I’ll give ya the lowdown. It’s Spring-time, fella, and Jacarandas aren’t the only things that come into season round these parts. You humans aren’t the only ones with passionate sensibilities, we possums are romantic creatures, and nothing – I repeat NOTHING – says romance more than making sweet marsupial love, perched high in the canopy of a Jacaranda, surrounded by purple blooms in the moonlight.

“Imagine. You’ve taken your beloved out on the best date ever, you’ve run back and forth across house roof tops to the point of exhaustion (always fun), shared some stolen mushy banana (exquisite) and washed it all down with some nectar and dew (actually really nice). You’ve pledged your everlasting love – (which should be taken with a massive grain of salt because possums are notoriously promiscuous) – and scamper eagerly up the closest available Jacaranda to partake in our consensual delights.

“Just as you’ve found your rickety branch midway up the tree on which to do the deed, just as you’re whispering a small prayer of thanks to Henry Volkers who, by introducing Jacarandas to Grafton back in 1879, created a legacy of bark-clad boudoirs for generations of passionate possums, A BUNCH OF SPOTLIGHTS ALL COME ON AND BLIND YOU AND THERE’S HUMANS OOHING AND AAHING AS YOUR’E TRYING TO GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS!

“No, this simply won’t do. Just like you humans, us possums wait ALL YEAR for these Jacarandas to do their thing and ramp up the romance in our lives… and you come along with… with… FLOODLIGHTS?

“It’s either inconsiderate or just a little bit perverted.”

Mr Brushtail narrowed his eyes. “Like, do you get off on watching marsupials go at it?”

Your reporter firmly denied this accusation, and informed Mr Brushtail that the trees in See Park would only be lit up roughly from 7:30 pm to 10:00 pm nightly, at which the protesting varmint’s demeanour changed immediately, and promptly called off the protest, exclaiming, “Why didn’t you say so? That leaves heaps of time for our, aah, ‘activities’.”

Mr Brushtail was also excited to hear about the special event in See Park on the evening of 23rd October, incorporating a performance from Grafton’s Conservatorium of Music, a laser light show, food and beverage, including at least one gourmet food truck.

“A food truck you say? Nice!

“Will they have mushy banana?”


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